Joke of the week

Since i have no time to blog these last few days i thought i would post something funny


This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in

Oxford :





Dear Mrs. Murray,



While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco
Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you
and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his
antics.


Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by
our surveillance cameras:



1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's trolleys when they weren't looking.



2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.



3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
feminine products aisle.



4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.



5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.



6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
gas stove.



7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,
he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"



8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.



9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
antidepressants were.



10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.



11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna
look" using different size funnels.



12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"



13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices
again."



And; last, but not least:



14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."



Yours sincerely,

Charles Brown

Store Manager

Really bad nursery rhymes

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To have a little funStupid

Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

Mary had a little lamb

Her father shot it dead

Now it goes to school with her

Between two hunks of bread.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,

Her clothes all tattered and torn

It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her

But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the kings horses and all the kings men

Had scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast.

Hickory dickory dock

Three mice ran up the clock

The clock struck one

And the others got away with minor injuries.

Mary had a little lamb

It walked into a pylon

10,000 volts went up its...

well, you know

and turned its wool to nylon.

Things you should never say to a club DJ

Being a club dj i can relate to most of the statements. And i hope you read and learn!. Got this off facebook.


1.. PLAY SOMETHING GOOD, SOMETHING WE CAN DANCE TO!
2. WOULD YOU PLAY SOMETHING WITH A "BEAT"!
3. I DON'T KNOW WHO SINGS IT AND I DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE SONG
4. EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR THIS!
5. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THIS
5. EVERYBODY WILL DANCE IF YOU PLAY IT!
6. I CAN GET LAID IF YOU PLAY IT!
7. I WANT TO HEAR IT NEXT!
8. WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
9. HEY, NOBODY CAN DANCE TO THIS!
10. PLAY IT SOON BECAUSE WE'RE LEAVING!
11. PLEASE PLAY "**********", ITS MY BIRTHDAY
12 WHEN WILL YOU PLAY IT?
13 MY DAD/ROOMMATE/EX WIFE/STEPSON OWNS THE CLUB, PLEASE PLAY
14. CAN I DJ?
15. Im a dj also, you should play ***** and mix it with *****.
16.'I'm the owners girlfriend and he wants you to play this song...'
17. Can you please play it again
18. Is it gonna be this music all night??
19. Can you play song no 12 on the disc 2
20. Hey! Where can I buy drinks"
21. Can I leave my handbag in here ?
22. Where is the cloakroom/toilets/bar/exit
23. Can you make an announcement that its my Birthday
24. How much should I pay you to play "**********"
25. Did you see the girl/boy I came in with ??????
26. 'Jack and coke please'
27. Do you have a pen?
28. Are you the DJ????
29. 'I've got an ipod that'll plug right into that - then you can play MY music'
30. You Should play (insert name of the current biggest track here) and see how eveybody will dance
31.Hey! This is a good track!.Can I take your cd home???
32.Can you play something faster
33. Do you have a microphone to shout out my birthday ?
34. You got any R+B and Hip Hop ? (When playing house) Vice Versa
35. Can I look thru your music/cds/records

Street Fighter the later years

Imagine if the characters from the popular game "Street Fighter" became old. Well a few months ago i posted the first 3 parts of this series. It's hilarious!!! Click here

For episode 4 and 5 just click on the videos below!

Become my fan on facebook

Pietro Ambrose Felix on Facebook

The Price You Pay.

Another week goes by and I just realised that CNY is next week. Unfortunately I can only go back to my hometown of Penang on Sunday which is the first day of CNY. Why you may ask my dear reader? Well i Have to work on Saturday night. So if you ever thought of getting into the entertainment business, be warned that public holidays and weekends will be of no use to you. But hey in the immortal words of the Godfather "The price you pay for the life you choose"

By the way please do come by to Velvet every Saturday night to party with me while I am on the decks.

Speaking of which, i get a birds eye view of the dancefloor from where I am and I have seen some crazy dance moves. And I am not talking about the good kind. So I will leave you with this video which always puts a smile on my face.

10 hours

In case you didn't tune in to the station on friday... i was on air for 10 hours. And i gotta tell you that it was quite an experience. Between giving out prizes, getting information about things i can tell you about, i had to perform my other managerial duties. At one point i came out of the studio for a drink of water and when i was outside i couldn't remember what i came out for. It was weird standing at the corridor wondering why i was standing there.

But hey like i said it was the experience that counts. But i hope you were well entertained. And i hope you had a great weekend. I did watching Asutralian Open and not too happy that Arsenal lost over the weekend. Yes yes JD has been giving me a hard time ever since. And I am sure you might too.